Last night felt wound up, wondering if Devin was running a scam. Saw no signage in the store about a charity. Did he say it was for autistic kids wanting to go to Disneyland? Because Mirelena and I had just seen a kid in the washroom who clearly was autistic because they needed to cover their ears while washing their hands due to sound sensitivity.
While I had no issue with Devin saying "word" or not, he lied about it and so will always have a hard time trusting him. And given how he plans on being debt free and graduating but is somehow able to afford university (he failed to mention that his parents must be helping him out, or perhaps he has scholarships...he did seem smart) naturally I wondered if he was just asking for donations and splitting them with Rob.
M passes on the receipt information which provides some ease and also gives their phone number if I want to call and ask. I'd prefer to speak with the manager.
This joke is for you, M:
Why did Devin make such a point of saying his name was spelled with an I?
Factually because the female Irish name is Devan.
He could have more simply said, "It's like Kevin with a D"
But he was protecting his D and his jiggly bits.
Also "Kevin with a D" is crude so perhaps he cares about words a little? After all he talked of liking "tubular" which made me repeat it, as if it were more circular, "tubular." He picked up a faux tie-dyed backpack and said that it used to be groovy but now it means something else. "What does it mean now?" I asked, invisibly and cringed when he just continued talking saying that he would have made a good "hippie."
Well let's put that to the test Devin with an I. Poet. I tried finding another name for you but the only way to do that would be to lie and make up a word that isn't actually Irish and means Poet but still worked with the I and the D joke. So even though we cannot be friends, please refrain from suing me.
Dreamed that I was living with my parents like Devin. Would hide from them, running into the guest room when they came home. Dad caught me in the laundry room once and said, "You know you can't live without money, right?" He was accusing me of stealing money. Which I had, but just hidden it.
Closed the door on my mom who almost caught me. Whatever she wanted to say, I wasn't in a space to deal with at the moment.
Went out and joined a group of friends on the street. One of them wanted to start street dancing but everyone felt a bit shy. I did a move similar to Elio's repeated move in Call Me By Your Name and then everyone started moving. At the start I could sense that a woman admired me. She literally hugged me from behind and clung on while I glided down the streets. It was nice to be seen and admired but I was freer once she let go or I cut her loose. Was in the air a lot, gliding on railings a lot with my arms in the air, dancing all the way. A stairwell had a railing with a dude lying on top of it and I glided down, manoeuvring around him. Landed behind a kid but without startling them. Almost crashed into the side of a car but a large white balloon just appeared and saved me. Someone had been trying to stuff it into their small white hatchback and it had escaped. "Did that just happen?!" I said and looked back. It was Cleo. She had managed to get the balloon inside but was now sitting in the passenger seat looking deflated.
Then was inside a bookstore watching Cleo perform. "This next song is a little sad, but it makes me think of the one I love," she prefaced. I looked over and saw Anessa on top of a bookshelf smiling brightly as only she can.
Woke up and thought about the world. How really there is enough for everyone. Guess people need work to feel useful, have a purpose, keep us busy and distracted and out of trouble. But money is a made up concept. And some people would want all the things. Without money how would they inspire people to help them manage their mansions? Of course, when the world ends, money in bank accounts will be inaccessible. Guess we'll find out then. It will be just like Mad Max presumably.
Chaos
Also thought more about Devin. How our conversation started because of a word choice which was a fine, I only wanted to confirm. Perhaps if I had asked, "I just want to confirm, did you happen to say word?" he would have felt more open to telling the truth. The conversation ended with the word "guys" and how that word annoys me. There are many words that men use only to each other. Perhaps "guys" is a way of including us? The other words exclude us, man, bro, dude (though for awhile that was used despite gender). We do not disappear as women when gender words are omitted. But we would all feel more included if they were obsolete.
Wondered if he really did own the same cosmetic bag. He just said he owned a bag from the same line. But perhaps he lied when he said he was just letting me figure it out on my own, the unfolding. And yes, when he said it in the moment, I heard the other meaning.
But had I not picked up the bag which M agreed was too bulky, as I was curious as to why it was bulky and figured it out, M would have walked away empty-handed, when it turns out, looked at in another way, was the exact bag she was searching for. So when he said, "I know exactly what you mean," he was lying again, as sales people do. Had he known, or better, had he been honest, we could have saved time. But it worked out a different way.
For as long as I can remember, I have cared about words, played with words, cherished words. My first favourite was ESPIONAGE. Avoided swearing like everyone else by changing the tone of "smurf" and found it as versatile as f**k. However, have no memory of watching the Smurfs much. Preferred to watch Wednesday torture Pugsley and all her glorious anger just as much as I enjoyed 6 kids singing and dancing or just living in their home without ever having to use the bathroom. The bathroom was the one room in my parent's house that locked but it could be picked and so the home was never safe. I escaped into food, TV, music, books or being outside.
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Saturday, September 28, 2019
Daft Punk: Get Lucky
Loving photography, I had asked my friend, let's call her, Mirelena, if I could go with her when she shopped for cameras. She needed to return something she bought first, because the seal had been broken, and then it turned out she didn't even need it. She didn't want to go to the location where she purchased it and hoped she could go elsewhere. Following my suggestion, we went to a branch I've frequented.
As we waited in line, I felt the clerk would be unable to help us. I had never seen him before. He quickly said, "No dear, you have to go to the store where you bought it." We exited but I convinced Mirelena we should go back and ask again. The cosmetician was busy. We walked around trying to find someone. Mirelena went to the pharmacy counter. I spotted a clerk and asked if there was a manager. He disappeared and she came out and issued the refund, explaining that the clerk was new. Daft Punk's Get Lucky was playing in the background. Mirelena mentioned being up all night. She thought about how she looked and said she had raccoon eyes. The manager said she had them all the time. She also admitted to having trouble reading the receipt and held it up closer to her face. "They tell me I have 20/20," she said, "But I have trouble seeing."
Mirelena's ex, Catherine had recently given me money for her birthday towards new glasses and mentioned 20/20 during her email transfer. Which I had confused for the year as it was the second time that day someone mentioned 2020. The first time seemingly made no sense as it was a photo of themselves as a child with the title 2020 (butterfly emoji). Obviously a great example for how only we know what we mean. Perhaps by 2020 I will have 20/20 vision.
Mirelena was happy that I persisted which reminded me of how we do just need to keep trying and how sometimes it takes works to get what we want and how often things happen in threes. How sometimes we need to hear something several times for it to register. Or how the punchline in jokes usually happens on the third, after two set ups. Thus began my telling of the duck food joke.
For some reason, telling the duck food joke had me crying from laughter, even though or perhaps because I kept interjecting the joke by talking about human behavior the duck faced. And somehow was able to tie this duck joke with Mirelena's recent anguish.
We arrive at the counter and unusually no one comes to offer assistance. We are clearly at a counter and are unable to help ourselves as the items are locked away. There is a long amount of time during which we talk about men.
If we accept that all of the problems in the world were created by CIS white men, then it's men who have the power to change it, and changing it would make them happy. They wouldn't have to walk around pretending to be anything and we women, queer and trans would be free to walk around without fear of them murdering us when they were sad, angry or felt a need to prove their masculinity and sexuality. Men seem to have an amazing capacity to communicate with each other. They create a new word for instance, bromance, and suddenly that word is everywhere.
Used to being invisible, I jokingly say that I'm the reason we are being ignored, but add that we are talking so maybe no one wants to interrupt, although we are practically whispering as we don't want to offend anyone. I tell Mirelena about Olivia in London who said she was a manhater. Mirelena reacted the same way I had, with recoil. In spite of our feelings about men, we would never call ourselves that. In reality there are only two clerks and the store is busy. I step away and linger at the alarm clocks which a queer couple are examining. Then turn and see another clerk and ask him if he knows about cameras. He had been on break or was just arriving to start his shift.
Since having done a lot of research on a particular model and line of a pocket camera, I tried to encourage Mirelena to try the model I tried over a year ago. Vicarious living wish denied, she was drawn to a deluxe camera which confused me as she was given what sounded like a decent camera that she called too bulky, plus she didn't know how to use it. Now she was interested in a bulky camera saying she could learn how to use it during a 14 hour airplane ride. But it's also funny that on our way there, I kept asking if she was going to buy a $1600 camera (which is the cost of the camera I dream of) and she said no way! She planned on a limit. But there she was looking at a $1600 camera, just not the one I covet.
Walking to her car, M says, "You know how jealous I am...has a cosmetic bag that I wish I had. I wonder where I could get one." We head back to the store we were just in. While we wait in line, I tell M about Arlene, someone I used to see from time to time at work or in the area. Saw her last week and she told me some personal stories with tears in her eyes. Introducing herself, Arlene spoke about a postal worker who had asked her, "Why can't you ever remember my name?" The postal worker's name is Mirelena. Guess she expected Arlene to remember her name because their names rhymed?
We start to head over to another store on the second floor when I spot a luggage store and suggest we try there. Mirelena approaches a clerk to describe what she is looking for. "Word," he says, moving towards the bag. "Did he say, Word?" I ask aloud but go unheard. He picks up a bag and asks if it's too big. M says it is and picks up another to look at. I pick up the first bag and unzip it, wondering about it design that makes its bulky. Turns out to have some Velcro that undoes and becomes exactly the bag M was looking for. He claimed to have the same bag earlier. Now he says he was waiting for me to discover that feature myself. Did he really have the same bag and know? We would have left the store not knowing had I not unfolded it myself.
"Did you say "word" earlier?" I ask him. He quickly denies it. M says she also heard him say it. He soon admits he was lying as a joke, but that he did say Word. I don't understand why he would joke or deny saying it. But my questioning him, and perhaps him admitting the truth, made him open up and we learned a lot about him, his life, his family. He said his parents were both teachers who took pains in his word choice. "So you are rebelling?" I said. "Will you change?" I ask. He said he wouldn't. I told him we would not be friends as I took words very seriously and had no understanding of sarcasm. He took up a lot of space, as Helena would have surmised. He never asked about us or gave us the space to do so. He talked about his two younger sisters. I told him I could be friends with them. They sounded cool. My mind drifted when he listed all the instruments he played. He said school was 17 hours a day and that he worked nights and weekends. Perhaps he was exaggerating. I don't know where he lived but he said he took the bus and since he lived at home was saving on a lot of expenses. He listed them all. Somehow he will be able to graduate without accumulating debt by working part-time in a mall, for what he stated, minimum wage? He must have mentioned how lucky he was and I said that he was also lucky to be white and male. He quickly agreed and said how everyday at university they gave acknowledgement for the land they were on.
"You know what I would do, if I were you," I said, rolling up my sleeves to show my dark skin, "I'm Metis. I would raise my hand up and suggest that the university give money to First Nations people so that they could have clean drinking water."
At some point, he told us his name, Devin. I only know how it is spelled because he said it quite clearly, "With an I"
He also told us Devin means Poet.
During the transaction there was more talking and I just felt like Devin was getting all the attention so I included Rob, the other clerk. "You too, Rob, you're doing a good job. I like your hair." Devin must have mentioned his shirt. Rob spoke about his shirt. How he chose it because his fiancé liked stars and how his had white stars and how she had worn hers to an interview and how it had black stars. Rob wore one of those, unsure what they are called, it looks like a toy, hanging out of a pocket. Another kid I saw at Rage Trials had one on their backpack, but their's was clearly a cat. I liked it but complimented that kid on their shoes. Helena looked up from her phone and agreed.
Leaving the store, Devin said, "Have a good afternoon, guys."
"Guys?!" I said. "After that whole conversation you use guys?"
He tried other words.
"Have a good afternoon, ladies?" He asked.
We groaned. "That's worse!" M said.
"Have a good afternoon." I called.
M said his face had turned red. I had failed to notice. I only noticed the word.
The last stop was smelly. Air fresheners or candles. Fleetwood Mac's Tell Me Lies was playing. Sales clerks lie to sell, just like the first clerk we saw who lied because he was new and was feeling overwhelmed. M was returning an eye shade. She explained herself to the clerk. A man came up, shaking his head no. But then he was nodding and walked away, seemingly without saying anything. "Was that your boss?" I asked invisibly. He had seem to come from nowhere, said nothing but she was going ahead with giving M a store credit minus 20% as she had lost the receipt. I felt sorry for the clerk for having to wear what looked like a police radio. She worked on inputting information into the cash register while M asked if I wanted something from the store as she was unlikely to ever use it. I wanted to leave because of the smell. M asked if the store credit had an expiration date. It didn't.
"One day I'll get a towel," M said wistfully, who also wanted to just leave, get home and eat.
The man hovered again silently nearby. "It's cash today." the clerk stated and yet once again, M kept saying, "What's happening? What's going on?" And I just laughed, as usual, saying, "Do you see what's happening here?!"
I am unsure if M sees what I see. Or hears what I hear. If you take the time to look up the lyrics to the highlighted songs, you may or may not understand. The music is just a part of the magic.
Celebrity Fights
I've been told if you are "Someone" you get a "tick" beside your name. That just means you are who you say you are and somehow has been verified. This usually applies to people who known as what we currently call "celebrities." So one of these people last night posted a video and said that they felt confused. A Stranger tried to make a joke in response. The problem with their joke was it put a feeling in the celebrities mouth, so to speak.
The Someone naturally then felt, ironically, annoyed, which is the feeling the attempted jokester used. And then I felt annoyed that a Stranger had annoyed Someone. I have yet to see a Someone annoy another Someone. So I stepped in and gently tried to help, but then to add an element of good feelings, made a couple of jokes of my own, which, and if you know me, you will know that they were deep and true, and they were. They were in fact, perfect and added to the helping out. I mean, if the Stranger was open, all of it put together could potentially help them and make them laugh. Now I admit, these jokes would only easily be understood by a few, and these jokes would only be hilarious to one person in particular as it was based on our private conversation about wishing we could smote some people.
This morning, I decided I would go back and just add one more comment for clarity's sake. To point out to Stranger that Someone clearly stated they were confused, not annoyed. And that to put feelings into someone else's mouth is not funny. I never would have said anything at all, had Stranger responded humbly to Someone's annoyance. Stranger just made excuses and accused Someone of being "Indignant" which I don't even know what that means but it is inflammatory. Just apologize. We all know it was an attempted joke that failed, you don't have to defend yourself.
However Someone must have blocked Stranger because that whole conversation vanished. I feel it's a shame, but I also realize that I was doing exactly what Stranger did, speaking for Someone. I'm so annoying. I was, although well-intention, speaking for Someone and not listening to Someone which is what I wanted Stranger to do. Had I listened I would have just liked Someone's reply and walked away or said," I support Someone" or "I'm with Someone" but I continue to make mistakes and always will. Still learning. Still practicing. As long as I live there is hope I will learn.
I have battled many a troll only to learn about myself and see how alike we are. Does this make me regret unfriending a family member and her partner for posting a transphobic meme and instead of listening to me, joining in on the bullying from their friends and circle who thought it was funny and that I was stupid and wrong? No. That's apparently my line. I still feel that I can write to my family member and hopefully help her realize how wrong she was. I still care about her and want her in my life. But unless she sees the error of her ways there's no way I'd ever introduce her to any of my friends. My friends would understand and I'd get over my embarrassment and shame of this family member is she did say something ignorant but there I go again, wanting to protect my friends when it is unneeded, though well-intentioned. Hero complex? Someone didn't need me standing up for them and defending them. They handled themselves. Responded in the perfect way for them. Stranger didn't get it but that's on Stranger. It was unnecessary for me to try and help. People can only help themselves. Although I say that of course and where would I be without the help of so many? Like seeing a message or a meme that we like and appreciate. It might take awhile for it to really sink in but it was there all along, a sticky note on the mirror or a George Michael t-shirt, "Choose life."
This is a great example of how I see mirrors everywhere and so with that, I will share with you, the exact words of what happened...
Someone: This is how my friend does sauce. I can't stop watching it. I feel confused.
Stranger: Maybe YOU annoy her (hands making peace sign emoji) (heart emoji) Think about it.
Someone: maybe YOU annoy me. Think about that. My friend doesn't annoy me at all. (upside down smile emoji).
Stranger: She confuses you, possibly she is confused right back. Don't be indignant, it was an ill attempt at humor.
Other Stranger: I'm pretty sure that Hannah was joking/being sarcastic. If I'm wrong, I offer my apologies to both of you. Just think of cute puppies, kittens, and sloths to ease the tension (paw print emoji, purple heart emoji)
Me: You are just expressing your perception, not Hannah's reality which only Hannah knows. If only you were able to see yourself as you Think you see Hannah (two heart emoji) I am not joking at all. I am trying to help you. Only you can help yourself, but you appear to be digging downwards.
Me: Mirrors for sale. Get your clear mirrors here!"
Me: Mirrors, a product proudly provided by Smote Co. We look forward to accepting your request for a good smiting. In the meantime please enjoy our complimentary entertainment. Put your feet up and leave the comedy to the professionals.
I Remember Everything: prelim
Well clearly I don't because I don't remember having this blog! I'd like to change what appears to be the title of my blog content, "Justin Bieber: JB as JC" but am going to let it B. At the time I was seeing a lot of similarities between JB and JC. I cannot explain how or why or even when my interest for Justin fell away. A friend and I were exciting to go dancing to a JB night at a club, which turned out to be the same songs repeated over and over. It was a fun night. That would be heavenly today were it CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS. Currently she has Chaleur Humaine, then this album released with more English, Chris and is working on what she calls as her "third" album. She has older music available and were I only wealthy. No, I won't be comparing Chris to Christ and I don't compare her with myself either. I see myself in her though. It was immediately clear. I happened upon a video of her one day, it's the Tilted song in French, black and gold, you cannot see her face at all. She's just dancing. I didn't understand the lyrics but they felt poetic. Of course lyrics would be. And in no way am I as good a dancer as she is but I felt that I had done many of the same moves. The moves to the music were perfect, and weird, that's it. I related to the weirdness. Loving Chris is like loving myself. Or has helped bring me to loving myself more for she has been quite open about who she is, well hinted at … which is either intelligent decorum or a bit of shame, in any case, some things are best kept private. But it tantalizes me, because I am also quite open. I can't say I know myself in ways. I'm open and willing to learn however and this has gotten me far in life, in internal ways. I remember when you asked me to slap your face. Was it a lack of openness that without hesitation I said no? I've talked about that with a friend and was surprised to learn that his partner asked him to slap her face and he agreed. And now I'm remembering the look she gave me when I first met her and how it frightened me so I made myself distant. I've told her, in other words. How happy doglike she was and I was like an untrusting cat who ran away into some bushes. I'm happy it all worked out. I've told many people, with friends I am like a dog. Alone, I'm more like a cat. In the generalized way we describe them. Of course we all know loving, friendly cats out on the street as well. I'm a cat person. Woolf Woolf. I wish I could use people's real names to write about them. Their first names. This will get confusing unless I come up with fake names for them. But their real names are perfectly suited for them. I'd ask them what name they would like me to use but that might send me scurrying like a cat if they know I am writing about them. Why is it okay for me to write and name JB or Chris, Heloise Letissier but not my friends? Or is it okay? Am I worrying over nothing? It is good to be considerate and think of others. This is another quality that has served me well in life.
Dear
I start to write your name but realize I cannot. Because that one time you asked, were I to meet...I cannot even write that. I've already written too much. This is the trouble with secrets and not being open. There I've done it again. I'm sorry to say, but I think you must be lying to her about who you are and your life. Even to me you mentioned "secret vodka" and in spite of my gentle prodding or direct requests, you choose not to be open. Which is completely okay with me. Acceptance. Another quality that has served me well. But this is a quality, is it a quality? that everyone does have. Parents accept their monstrous children. These same parents might not accept someone who is homosexual or trans though. Okay, you need a name, for sure. It has come to me now. Drew. And here's how. Butterfly. Drew Barrymore. The one thing that I did not tell you and this makes my body shiver and rock with emotion because it is hard for me to reveal to you...Nel said you were a butterfly. That you would fly in and out of people's lives. "How odd" (said in a Tilda Swinton voice) that yesterday I saw a dark orange, like burnt orange butterfly outside of the library. Usually I just see those white ones, not even sure they are butterflies. No offense white butterflies. We name all the things. Why would you be offended if I got it wrong? What about a relative stranger? Like Vicki who for some reason I keep thinking of as Karen? Or Holly who is using the name Karen online? What's in a name? I'd like to call X X because BOOP X but I can see her husband suing me, so....
Dear Drew, you know me well, but you don't know me now. How I have grown. How lovely it is to come in second. Silver. Knowing me, I hope you remember that I am not a sarcastic person. If I am ever sarcastic I will state that clearly. But it's true. Your love, your fondness for me is uplifting now as it was then. Perhaps more now than then because we are both free of complications. You are happily married and I'm here.
I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to accept your life tether partners idea. I still feel a bit reluctant as uhm maybe you were drunk when you said it? I've only just recently decided alcohol no longer serves me. I can't afford it. I keep missing out on invitations to go out because I've had a drink and am sleepy. I've always preferred being sober and in control. Many people have no idea that I did drink because I don't usually in public. A house party with trusted friends yes. A club, maybe one but I will keep a close eye on it or in my hand. Oh dear. Didn't you say it was unimaginable to you that I would ever do anything to turn you away. I love you. I don't care if you drink. I'm happy to have received my first drunk text. It seemed to take you back in time, the transition time, that you needed between being lovers and back to friends. This is all about me. It has nothing to do with you. Despite our connection. I dislike talking about certain things, like this, out of concern for how others will handle it. Which is a mistake of course. ~ has taught me that. Oh ~. Yes I have to change your name too. Otherwise I couldn't tell the amazing fact that you too sometimes feel like "a total waste of space." Here is the circle before you. Reason and worry. Despite ~ teaching me that, she's also taught me about consent and respect. It is amazing because just look at the work you do and how many strangers you help. Look at your friends, people like me who are lucky to be seen by you, to witness your realness, your honesty, your strength, and what some may call your weakness but that is just more realness. How many times have I complimented ~ or someone else to have her just mirror that back to me. And yet, naturally, she cannot see the mirror she sets up for me. She stands behind the mirror. Shall we say that sometimes I have cracked the mirror and the light gets in. The words of others. They always sounded beautiful, perhaps resonated a little but only now am I truly understanding them. Even as I write I see the connections. But I cannot call her ~ as that will ironically slow me down as I keep accidentally selecting the exclamation point.
Dear
I start to write your name but realize I cannot. Because that one time you asked, were I to meet...I cannot even write that. I've already written too much. This is the trouble with secrets and not being open. There I've done it again. I'm sorry to say, but I think you must be lying to her about who you are and your life. Even to me you mentioned "secret vodka" and in spite of my gentle prodding or direct requests, you choose not to be open. Which is completely okay with me. Acceptance. Another quality that has served me well. But this is a quality, is it a quality? that everyone does have. Parents accept their monstrous children. These same parents might not accept someone who is homosexual or trans though. Okay, you need a name, for sure. It has come to me now. Drew. And here's how. Butterfly. Drew Barrymore. The one thing that I did not tell you and this makes my body shiver and rock with emotion because it is hard for me to reveal to you...Nel said you were a butterfly. That you would fly in and out of people's lives. "How odd" (said in a Tilda Swinton voice) that yesterday I saw a dark orange, like burnt orange butterfly outside of the library. Usually I just see those white ones, not even sure they are butterflies. No offense white butterflies. We name all the things. Why would you be offended if I got it wrong? What about a relative stranger? Like Vicki who for some reason I keep thinking of as Karen? Or Holly who is using the name Karen online? What's in a name? I'd like to call X X because BOOP X but I can see her husband suing me, so....
Dear Drew, you know me well, but you don't know me now. How I have grown. How lovely it is to come in second. Silver. Knowing me, I hope you remember that I am not a sarcastic person. If I am ever sarcastic I will state that clearly. But it's true. Your love, your fondness for me is uplifting now as it was then. Perhaps more now than then because we are both free of complications. You are happily married and I'm here.
I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to accept your life tether partners idea. I still feel a bit reluctant as uhm maybe you were drunk when you said it? I've only just recently decided alcohol no longer serves me. I can't afford it. I keep missing out on invitations to go out because I've had a drink and am sleepy. I've always preferred being sober and in control. Many people have no idea that I did drink because I don't usually in public. A house party with trusted friends yes. A club, maybe one but I will keep a close eye on it or in my hand. Oh dear. Didn't you say it was unimaginable to you that I would ever do anything to turn you away. I love you. I don't care if you drink. I'm happy to have received my first drunk text. It seemed to take you back in time, the transition time, that you needed between being lovers and back to friends. This is all about me. It has nothing to do with you. Despite our connection. I dislike talking about certain things, like this, out of concern for how others will handle it. Which is a mistake of course. ~ has taught me that. Oh ~. Yes I have to change your name too. Otherwise I couldn't tell the amazing fact that you too sometimes feel like "a total waste of space." Here is the circle before you. Reason and worry. Despite ~ teaching me that, she's also taught me about consent and respect. It is amazing because just look at the work you do and how many strangers you help. Look at your friends, people like me who are lucky to be seen by you, to witness your realness, your honesty, your strength, and what some may call your weakness but that is just more realness. How many times have I complimented ~ or someone else to have her just mirror that back to me. And yet, naturally, she cannot see the mirror she sets up for me. She stands behind the mirror. Shall we say that sometimes I have cracked the mirror and the light gets in. The words of others. They always sounded beautiful, perhaps resonated a little but only now am I truly understanding them. Even as I write I see the connections. But I cannot call her ~ as that will ironically slow me down as I keep accidentally selecting the exclamation point.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
JB Raped?
A lady gave me a ride to jazzercize last Wednesday. The week prior I had shown up just as Somebody To Love was ending (I was ten minutes late so didn't go in). The lady said it was only the second song and I should have just gone in, but she understood. She would have been shy, too. She told me she had seen bedding with Justin's face all over it. Pillows. Pink sheets. That I understood, for girls would like to "sleep with Justin" as boys like their sheets with dinosaurs or rockets or whatever. She told me there was also a line of Justin Bieber make-up for girls. I was shocked. I thought, no, that's too much. That does not make sense.
She said he was getting raped and wondered if he even knew about all this stuff.
Yeah, I said, just put his face on anything and it will sell.
Today, Justin posted on Facebook, that you can get a free ticket to his movie by ordering through 1-800 Flowers.com I checked it out. Options range from $29.99 up to $99.99. But clearly Justin has authorized this marketing technique as partial proceeds to go to his favourite charity, Pencils Of Promise. You not only get a free movie ticket mailed to you, but you also get a free membership to his fanclub.
I was a member of his fanclub for three months. It happened by mistake. I thought it was a pre-requisite to submitting my photo to Jon Chu's movie, Never Say Never (which comes out next week). Clearly, a lot of people including myself were disappointed in the site and the great length of time it took to receive the welcome package. I thought, hmmm they clearly need to hire people, they should hire me. That would be a fun job and I would be good at it. Anyway, it was nice to have an exclusive venue free from haters and having to defend why you like this one particular musician out of - how many other musicians exist? And by the way, you also like the same musicians they like as well. Or constantly explaining why calling someone you don't know "gay" is wrong.
I cannot think of any other artist where this is this fight, this war. Where you know that liking Justin Bieber is at once incredibly commonplace and incredibly looked down upon. The fact is, that people who do like Justin Bieber are perfectly capable of explaining why they like him. However, the people who dislike him lack valid reasons. One person said they don't like having to see his merch everywhere. My first thought was a sarcastic, "Aw poor you!" That's like saying you hate cars and cars are gay because you see them everywhere. Or trees. Or houses.
Anyway, aside from the posters, the dolls don't look like him, and I personally don't have an interest in the merch. I'm sure the shirts are too small and what would I do with a life-size cardboard cutout of him anyway? Put it outside and use it to collect tomatoes and eggs that people would throw at it? The lady? The one who gave me the ride to jazzercize? She also said that there was this gag gift being passed around. That's how she got one of the Justin Bieber dolls. "The gag gift stops here," she said. She's keeping it in the box. She thinks his career will end soon and in ten years he'll be back. I think the opposite is more likely. That he will continue for ten years and then take a break. I have no idea what will happen to him. But I do worry for him. Sometimes I see he's a bit cocky and I worry. Other times he seems more grounded and down-to-earth and I feel okay.
Once Justin said that regardless of your age, everyone liked Michael Jackson. I don't know if that's true. Everyone certainly doesn't like Marilyn Manson. But there's no war about him. So you have to think it all comes down to jealousy. This young kid out of little town Canada put some homemade videos up on Youtube and made it. And sure, there are others out there with more talent than the ones who have made it. But what's the point in being bitter about that? It's life and Justin Bieber's fame snowball is going to keep on rolling whether you like him or not.
She said he was getting raped and wondered if he even knew about all this stuff.
Yeah, I said, just put his face on anything and it will sell.
Today, Justin posted on Facebook, that you can get a free ticket to his movie by ordering through 1-800 Flowers.com I checked it out. Options range from $29.99 up to $99.99. But clearly Justin has authorized this marketing technique as partial proceeds to go to his favourite charity, Pencils Of Promise. You not only get a free movie ticket mailed to you, but you also get a free membership to his fanclub.
I was a member of his fanclub for three months. It happened by mistake. I thought it was a pre-requisite to submitting my photo to Jon Chu's movie, Never Say Never (which comes out next week). Clearly, a lot of people including myself were disappointed in the site and the great length of time it took to receive the welcome package. I thought, hmmm they clearly need to hire people, they should hire me. That would be a fun job and I would be good at it. Anyway, it was nice to have an exclusive venue free from haters and having to defend why you like this one particular musician out of - how many other musicians exist? And by the way, you also like the same musicians they like as well. Or constantly explaining why calling someone you don't know "gay" is wrong.
I cannot think of any other artist where this is this fight, this war. Where you know that liking Justin Bieber is at once incredibly commonplace and incredibly looked down upon. The fact is, that people who do like Justin Bieber are perfectly capable of explaining why they like him. However, the people who dislike him lack valid reasons. One person said they don't like having to see his merch everywhere. My first thought was a sarcastic, "Aw poor you!" That's like saying you hate cars and cars are gay because you see them everywhere. Or trees. Or houses.
Anyway, aside from the posters, the dolls don't look like him, and I personally don't have an interest in the merch. I'm sure the shirts are too small and what would I do with a life-size cardboard cutout of him anyway? Put it outside and use it to collect tomatoes and eggs that people would throw at it? The lady? The one who gave me the ride to jazzercize? She also said that there was this gag gift being passed around. That's how she got one of the Justin Bieber dolls. "The gag gift stops here," she said. She's keeping it in the box. She thinks his career will end soon and in ten years he'll be back. I think the opposite is more likely. That he will continue for ten years and then take a break. I have no idea what will happen to him. But I do worry for him. Sometimes I see he's a bit cocky and I worry. Other times he seems more grounded and down-to-earth and I feel okay.
Once Justin said that regardless of your age, everyone liked Michael Jackson. I don't know if that's true. Everyone certainly doesn't like Marilyn Manson. But there's no war about him. So you have to think it all comes down to jealousy. This young kid out of little town Canada put some homemade videos up on Youtube and made it. And sure, there are others out there with more talent than the ones who have made it. But what's the point in being bitter about that? It's life and Justin Bieber's fame snowball is going to keep on rolling whether you like him or not.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Vancouver Sun Review E6, Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My review of Francois Marchand's review.
http://www.vancouversun.com/opinion/editorials/Canada+influence+more+about+right+than+might/3155375/World+Where+watch+Vancouver/3129197/Review+Justin+Bieber+entertains+sold+crowd+Rogers+Arena/3697142/story.html
The review opens by pointing out that everything Justin does goes viral and a brief history, in case readers know nothing about him - which is almost a requirement in newspapers. Marchand's view that each fan feels a sense of ownership stems from the belief that these fans discovered him through youtube before he was famous. Yet there are no facts to back this up. You would have to have records of what his number of views were prior to the introduction of Scooter.
"For some, the level of Bieber madness has gone completely over the top. For Bieber's fans, however, it's often still not enough."
Here is a judgment that stands on its own. He provides no examples of what he deems to be "over-the-top." I can only assume he implies what I personally am and feel. That is, I can't get enough of Bieber. I want more. More merch, more videos, more plays of his song on my itouch. I suppose, because of my age, I could be considered over the top, but some say the soul is ageless and music is ageless as well. You could go to a G-rated "family" movie and enjoy it yourself, maybe even like it more than your kid.
I personally did not see any running. It was far too crowded for that. And people weren't really interested in snacks. The line-ups were at the merch tables and it was very quick to buy any food or drink. I guess I missed out on the attendants standing on chairs too. Fans were excited to buy yes, but it wasn't pandemonium. They were all very polite and well-behaved. They seemed equally eager and grounded in reality that buying something would take a long time.
I'm not sure what Marchand means by "inoffensive hooks" when he refers to opening act, Burnham. Does he mean Disney? I kind of found them offensive as it all seemed very fake to me - only the drummer sounded real. I didn't see the bass or guitar player move the chord hand at all and couldn't even really hear any sound from their instruments. The first song definitely sounded lip synced as the singer moved around but his voice sounded perfect throughout - no variances that a body jumping wildly in the air would naturally create.
Marchand's comment about the Xbox commercial, I can only assume is sarcasm. Does he not realize this is dubbed as Justin's Xbox 360 Tour and therefore, it is not odd at all?
Marchand suggests that Justin only sang one song, U Smile and the rest was lip-synced. He suggests the proof of this is because there weren't any close-ups of Justin on the screens. I am not sure where Marchand was during the concert, but my eyes and ears were on Justin 99% of the time as I did not want to watch a screen (I could just buy the dvd later on if I wanted to just watch a screen) and I heard his real voice on all the songs. Because I have listened to all of Justin's songs over and over on my i touch, I could tell that his singing was lower in key and very real. I also believe that Justin himself and his management would not sink to lip syncing, but I could be wrong about that and I would be disappointed (as I was about Burnham and believing they were lip syncing - even though I had never heard of them before).
Then Marchand gets into a critque which I feel is quite unfair. Let's remember he is just 16 and was only just recently discovered and this is his first headlining tour. He's no Disney kid who's been trained and preened. Also, he's a singer and musician first, not a professional dancer, and again, he's just starting out. It is also unfair to call Bieber's concert a "paint-by-numbers-on-autopilot affair" because all concerts are really the same. Big entrance, singing, costume changes, singing.
And then Marchand ends with some conjecture about the future career of Justin Bieber, bringing the viral point back like tying a ribbon on a pretty package (which mostly contains styrofoam peanuts protecting the small critique).
Not much of a review really. A lot of non-concert material surrounding a brief review. But for the most part, a well-written and sound article. Certainly quite fair on the whole (apart from a couple of unsound statements that "one could argue") with some adept observations.
http://www.vancouversun.com/opinion/editorials/Canada+influence+more+about+right+than+might/3155375/World+Where+watch+Vancouver/3129197/Review+Justin+Bieber+entertains+sold+crowd+Rogers+Arena/3697142/story.html
The review opens by pointing out that everything Justin does goes viral and a brief history, in case readers know nothing about him - which is almost a requirement in newspapers. Marchand's view that each fan feels a sense of ownership stems from the belief that these fans discovered him through youtube before he was famous. Yet there are no facts to back this up. You would have to have records of what his number of views were prior to the introduction of Scooter.
"For some, the level of Bieber madness has gone completely over the top. For Bieber's fans, however, it's often still not enough."
Here is a judgment that stands on its own. He provides no examples of what he deems to be "over-the-top." I can only assume he implies what I personally am and feel. That is, I can't get enough of Bieber. I want more. More merch, more videos, more plays of his song on my itouch. I suppose, because of my age, I could be considered over the top, but some say the soul is ageless and music is ageless as well. You could go to a G-rated "family" movie and enjoy it yourself, maybe even like it more than your kid.
I personally did not see any running. It was far too crowded for that. And people weren't really interested in snacks. The line-ups were at the merch tables and it was very quick to buy any food or drink. I guess I missed out on the attendants standing on chairs too. Fans were excited to buy yes, but it wasn't pandemonium. They were all very polite and well-behaved. They seemed equally eager and grounded in reality that buying something would take a long time.
I'm not sure what Marchand means by "inoffensive hooks" when he refers to opening act, Burnham. Does he mean Disney? I kind of found them offensive as it all seemed very fake to me - only the drummer sounded real. I didn't see the bass or guitar player move the chord hand at all and couldn't even really hear any sound from their instruments. The first song definitely sounded lip synced as the singer moved around but his voice sounded perfect throughout - no variances that a body jumping wildly in the air would naturally create.
Marchand's comment about the Xbox commercial, I can only assume is sarcasm. Does he not realize this is dubbed as Justin's Xbox 360 Tour and therefore, it is not odd at all?
Marchand suggests that Justin only sang one song, U Smile and the rest was lip-synced. He suggests the proof of this is because there weren't any close-ups of Justin on the screens. I am not sure where Marchand was during the concert, but my eyes and ears were on Justin 99% of the time as I did not want to watch a screen (I could just buy the dvd later on if I wanted to just watch a screen) and I heard his real voice on all the songs. Because I have listened to all of Justin's songs over and over on my i touch, I could tell that his singing was lower in key and very real. I also believe that Justin himself and his management would not sink to lip syncing, but I could be wrong about that and I would be disappointed (as I was about Burnham and believing they were lip syncing - even though I had never heard of them before).
Then Marchand gets into a critque which I feel is quite unfair. Let's remember he is just 16 and was only just recently discovered and this is his first headlining tour. He's no Disney kid who's been trained and preened. Also, he's a singer and musician first, not a professional dancer, and again, he's just starting out. It is also unfair to call Bieber's concert a "paint-by-numbers-on-autopilot affair" because all concerts are really the same. Big entrance, singing, costume changes, singing.
And then Marchand ends with some conjecture about the future career of Justin Bieber, bringing the viral point back like tying a ribbon on a pretty package (which mostly contains styrofoam peanuts protecting the small critique).
Not much of a review really. A lot of non-concert material surrounding a brief review
Publish Post
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