Jiggly Bits

Last night felt wound up, wondering if Devin was running a scam. Saw no signage in the store about a charity. Did he say it was for autistic kids wanting to go to Disneyland? Because Mirelena and I had just seen a kid in the washroom who clearly was autistic because they needed to cover their ears while washing their hands due to sound sensitivity.

While I had no issue with Devin saying "word" or not, he lied about it and so will always have a hard time trusting him. And given how he plans on being debt free and graduating but is somehow able to afford university (he failed to mention that his parents must be helping him out, or perhaps he has scholarships...he did seem smart) naturally I wondered if he was just asking for donations and splitting them with Rob.

M passes on the receipt information which provides some ease and also gives their phone number if I want to call and ask. I'd prefer to speak with the manager.

This joke is for you, M:

Why did Devin make such a point of saying his name was spelled with an I?
Factually because the female Irish name is Devan.
He could have more simply said, "It's like Kevin with a D"
But he was protecting his D and his jiggly bits.

Also "Kevin with a D" is crude so perhaps he cares about words a little? After all he talked of liking "tubular" which made me repeat it, as if it were more circular, "tubular." He picked up a faux tie-dyed backpack and said that it used to be groovy but now it means something else. "What does it mean now?" I asked, invisibly and cringed when he just continued talking saying that he would have made a good "hippie."

Well let's put that to the test Devin with an I. Poet. I tried finding another name for you but the only way to do that would be to lie and make up a word that isn't actually Irish and means Poet but still worked with the I and the D joke. So even though we cannot be friends, please refrain from suing me.

Dreamed that I was living with my parents like Devin. Would hide from them, running into the guest room when they came home. Dad caught me in the laundry room once and said, "You know you can't live without money, right?" He was accusing me of stealing money. Which I had, but just hidden it.
Closed the door on my mom who almost caught me. Whatever she wanted to say, I wasn't in a space to deal with at the moment.

Went out and joined a group of friends on the street. One of them wanted to start street dancing but everyone felt a bit shy. I did a move similar to Elio's repeated move in Call Me By Your Name and then everyone started moving. At the start I could sense that a woman admired me. She literally hugged me from behind and clung on while I glided down the streets. It was nice to be seen and admired but I was freer once she let go or I cut her loose. Was in the air a lot, gliding on railings a lot with my arms in the air, dancing all the way. A stairwell had a railing with a dude lying on top of it and I glided down, manoeuvring around him. Landed behind a kid but without startling them. Almost crashed into the side of a car but a large white balloon just appeared and saved me. Someone had been trying to stuff it into their small white hatchback and it had escaped. "Did that just happen?!" I said and looked back. It was Cleo. She had managed to get the balloon inside but was now sitting in the passenger seat looking deflated.

Then was inside a bookstore watching Cleo perform. "This next song is a little sad, but it makes me think of the one I love," she prefaced. I looked over and saw Anessa on top of a bookshelf smiling brightly as only she can.

Woke up and thought about the world. How really there is enough for everyone. Guess people need work to feel useful, have a purpose, keep us busy and distracted and out of trouble. But money is a made up concept. And some people would want all the things. Without money how would they inspire people to help them manage their mansions? Of course, when the world ends, money in bank accounts will be inaccessible. Guess we'll find out then. It will be just like Mad Max presumably.

Chaos

Also thought more about Devin. How our conversation started because of a word choice which was a fine, I only wanted to confirm. Perhaps if I had asked, "I just want to confirm, did you happen to say word?" he would have felt more open to telling the truth. The conversation ended with the word "guys" and how that word annoys me. There are many words that men use only to each other. Perhaps "guys" is a way of including us? The other words exclude us, man, bro, dude (though for awhile that was used despite gender). We do not disappear as women when gender words are omitted. But we would all feel more included if they were obsolete.

Wondered if he really did own the same cosmetic bag. He just said he owned a bag from the same line. But perhaps he lied when he said he was just letting me figure it out on my own, the unfolding. And yes, when he said it in the moment, I heard the other meaning.

But had I not picked up the bag which M agreed was too bulky, as I was curious as to why it was bulky and figured it out, M would have walked away empty-handed, when it turns out, looked at in another way, was the exact bag she was searching for. So when he said, "I know exactly what you mean," he was lying again, as sales people do. Had he known, or better, had he been honest, we could have saved time. But it worked out a different way.

For as long as I can remember, I have cared about words, played with words, cherished words. My first favourite was ESPIONAGE. Avoided swearing like everyone else by changing the tone of "smurf" and found it as versatile as f**k. However, have no memory of watching the Smurfs much. Preferred to watch Wednesday torture Pugsley and all her glorious anger just as much as I enjoyed 6 kids singing and dancing or just living in their home without ever having to use the bathroom. The bathroom was the one room in my parent's house that locked but it could be picked and so the home was never safe. I escaped into food, TV, music, books or being outside.